Temporary Emo Journal

Downhill Landslide

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 23:45:55 GMT

You know those times in your life when nothing will go right?

I don't mean missing your bus, getting a crapload of homework, having your parents suddenly attack you, or anything like that (although those are happening to me too).

Just when everything is terriable.

I thought things were getting bad when a boy at my school died.

I thought things were terriable when one of my better classmates got cancer.

I thought things were unbareable when the boy I was falling for thought of me as a friend.

I thought I wanted to die when he realized he does have feelings for me, only to not be able to see me anymore.... And if we try to sneak around, he'll be sent somewhere horriable...

I couldn't stand it when one of my best school friends is being sent to home study when I need her most...

What am I going to do?

I can't just let these things happen...

Save me...

Madness.

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 04:42:27 GMT

There are times, when things are too dramatic for real life..

Right now, I can't post details..

But I am being kept from the one I love by forces above us both. And if I go near him, he will be sent away somewhere near the gates of hell.

I can't even describe... except writing 'horriable' over and over... He has every quality I've wanted in a boy since I was a little girl..

Madness has struck.

Livejournal is always abandoned.... D:

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 10:20:58 GMT

You know what's sad? Well, alot of things.

One of them is how I am about Livejournal. I mean, my life is so fast-paced and dramatic. I've always got a story to tell and someone to tell it to... except Livejournal! D: Whenever something happens, I'm just too plain lazy to write it down. I love writing, and I love telling stories - so what's my deal?

It's like half of me wants to...but then I just toss the idea aside in moment. My poor, poor, neglected LJ. ;_;

It's really late (or early :?) and I don't have much energy to go into detail about stuff, but I'll give it a shot:

My relationship with Sam (my boyfriend) has been going up and downhill for a long, long time. Despite alot of cracks in the road, and rain on our parade, I love him so much I simply delayed the inevitable. Until now.

Sadly, I broke up with Sam just a few days ago. The pathetic thing about it is, I did it through email. I couldn't have a moment alone with him to do it in person, the way it should be. I really regret it, but our extreme lack of any time together is one of the main reasons I broke up with him. Don't get me wrong - I still love him dearly, and the only way I know it is because every little experience I have, I wish he was there to share it with me. As long as he's happy, that's all that matters. I just gotta say, Valentine's Day is gonna be a real downer. It's Singles Awareness Day for me this time. :(

Random Thoughts of the Day:

I am so damn lightheaded. All year it's just gotten worse and worse, and no one understands what I mean by "lightheaded". It's really frustrating. I'm seriously considering getting a Cat Scan. Something is wrong with this brain, dears. :(

I love rain. I really, really do. It's just the most beautiful form of weather, and I think it brings people together. Fire places, hot cocoa, and sharing umbrellas. <3 Of course, it has been an awful lot lately. :(

Heath (sp?) Ledger is dead. What the hell? I love so many movies with him in it. I just can't believe this. First Steve Irwin... who's next, hm?

Today was...confusing. I felt alot of random emotions. Nick, girl Sam, and Holly all kidnapped me today. It was just the sweetest, most wonderful suprise. :) They stopped by my house without calling or anything. When I opened the door, I screamed. xD I just couldn't believe it - they've only seen my house like, once or twice.

They took me out for icecream and refused to let me pay, no matter how much I begged and pleaded.

They are just angels. <3

Arf. :3

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 04:06:08 GMT

The moment my mother pulled up the curb at school today, I knew something was different. Her regular smile immediately appeared as she searched my eyes. “Guess what your dad found?”

I rolled my eyes, opening the door to sit beside her and drive away. “What, a puppy?”

“How did you know?!”

I couldn’t believe it! I was simply being sarcastic, and here I’m told an entire story about a stray. He was found at my brother’s school, and my father offered to take him home. I was never more restless waiting through my doctor’s appointment, and getting dinner. I couldn’t wait to see the puppy. :D

When I finally got home, my dad made a strange face and said “Jenny, Caeser got stuck under a tire and shrunk.” I’m like ‘what the hell?’. Then…I see him. The most adorable puppy I’ve ever seen. He appears to be about five months old, brownish-red, black muzzle, big paws and face, and tiny ears. :3 I named him Clifford. I know I have to find his owner, but…the little kid in me wants to keep him. Still, I want him to get home safe and sound. He doesn’t belong with my cats and dog. xD

Updates and pictures later?

Rain, AnimeLA, and Pictures~

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 10:44:07 GMT

I’m very sad to say I didn’t get to go to AnimeLA. That was a big disappointment for me, and I wish everyone would stop talking about Vic and how great it was. (I’m glad you had a good time, though. xD) I really wanted to cosplay – I even have a costume ready. Sam’s birthday is on the 9th, though…and I had to save up for his presents, so I didn’t have the money. Along with that, I had to work on my Driver’s Ed classes.

Which have been a SERIOUS pain the ass. I’ve spent nearly all my vacation on these stupid online lessons, because I get distracted so easily! Ujhbfhegbgb (copying Lianchini for the moment). My sleep schedule got so bad, that when I woke up I missed the entire day. Being a vampire is truly a tragic act. I hope I can fucking drive after all this. >_>

Anyway, there’s a lot of birthday’s this month! There’s Sam, Ben, Ashley, Christine, and…I’m sure there’s more. ^^;;

This week wasn’t so bad. It was Ruby’s birthday, so she and her boyfriend PJ, along with her friend (who’s nicknamed Kagome, so that’s what we call her) came all the way from Apple Valley! They’re incredibly amazing people, and very attractive as well. We had a lot of fun, and I posed them as a band, as you see here:

Me meeting PJ (in my mom’s ugly coat, no less)

It’s Ruby love~! <3

My precious band. <3

Gorgeous.

Oooh, and Sam and I went on a lovely date. Iceskating, photo booths, and pizza. All alone. We threw snowballs at each other, and kissed in the rain. <3

It's been raining more then I ever remember lately...

Okay, back to Driver’s Ed. >_>

Happy Birthday, Pasta-chan!

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 07:55:40 GMT

Ode to Camera

Flashing light

In everyone's faces

Behind the camera I smile

Despite my photos are disgraces

Capture life

Snap snap snap

I won't forget my days alive...

-----------------------------------------------
I want to wish a very Happy Birthday! to Paige-chan. It's her sweet sixteen today, and we took SO many pictures for you guys to enjoy. :D From DDR at Magic Mountian, to a possessed birthday cake, we had alot of fun. I'll have to upload them laters. ^^

I'm a little tuckered out now, so I don't have much funny for you, but I'll tell a story anyhow.

Pasta and Kimmeh picked me up at around 3ish after I did some last minute birthday shopping (shopping which made me realize I really need to get a jobbbb). Immedinatly, we headed over to Mountaisa. It's really changed over a short amount of time. I kind of miss the way it used to be. :( There's alot of new games, which replaced some old ones I used to like. Everything's been rearranged. Insted of tokens, there's a bright, colorful card slide (to swipe a card, odviously). You purchase a card, and add points. Points are taken away with each game.

Anyways, Paige and Kim were playing DDR as to be expected. xD I played a couple other games, including Jumping Jackpot (a virtual jump rope. I love this game ^^). I snapped a couple pictures and videos. There was one good looking guy that was so amazing...I had to film him. Seriously, we were all staring. O_O

Next lazer tag came along. It was just Kim, Paige, Ian (Paige's little brother) and I. Pretty awesome. I had a blast running, hiding, laughing, and shooting. xD There was one point when everyone ganged up on me and starting shooting me at once. I just laughed my ass off. xD

After that, we put our tickets together and got Paige a grow-in-the-water snake and a deck of cards. :3

Soon after, we made our way home. By then, I was starving. I have to admit, I complained a while before the pizza came. My stomach felt truly, and complety empty...and emptiness always aches.

When it did come, I scarfed at least three or four lices of cheese and Hawaiian. Yumm... pineapples.

Then.....CAKE TIME. O_O Oh, and tons more pictures.

The carrot cake was amazingly good, and as soon as we put it in the oven, all of us started to jab our fingers in the bowl and taste it. Then again. Then again. We got great pictures from that. :P

Afterward, the cake arose from the oven and it was time to frost. We started out trying to make a trading card of Paige (Yes, we are HUGE dorks/nerds/geeks). Again, started to. I drew her in the icing...and then everything went downhill. We all started throwing strinkles everywhere, and before we knew it Trading Card! Paige was possessed. We had created a monster. It was a hilarous nightmare. WAYYY too many pictures. xD

So we ate her. I guess we're saving brownies until tomorow. :D

Now it's about midnight. Paige is sound asleep, Kim is reading manga...and I'm chilling online. ;)

I had an absolute blast for once. :DD

'Night, all.

Edit:

Oh, I forgot to add everyone's birthdays are coming up, along with the holidays. It's driving me crazy! I love everyone, and I want to do something for them ALL! O_O So I'm applying for jobs at the YMCA Childwatch, and Pet Supply. I think I'm more likely to work at Pet Supply, so I'm aiming more toward that. I hope I have time to stop by tomorow. ^^

Sam doesn't know my LJ, so I'll say it:

His birthday is January 9th! I cannot believe my boyfriend is six weeks from being a man. My little Sam is all grown up. T_T His mom asked me for help, and ever since then, ideas have been running through my head.

Gift wise, I've got a CD, I'm going to knit him a scarf, and I'm writing him a song just for him. ^^ It's hard work, but I think it's worth it. He did so much for me. Anyways, I'm going to ask his mom and his best friend if they'd consider a suprise party. Mwahaha. He REALLY wouldn't expect that.

Okay, now I'm done for real. Really really.

Yeah. Bye.

Update

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 19:25:24 GMT

I really need to write in this thing more. So much has happened, but I've been too much of a lazy ass to even write up a synopsis. There's been fires popping up all over Southern California (that was quite an experience), I went to Valencia and West Ranch's home coming dances, and Kevin (from choir)'s party. I totally left my mark there, and helped the poor DJ get everyone to dance. xD Their was even a psyhic there... Her future cards (whatever you call them were very, very accurate.)

But the only reason I decided to write this in the first place was because...something is wrong with me. I can't explain it. It's not something a normal person could understand.

I feel like my brain is being eaten away. Something is wrong with my thought process, but I don't feel like it's a good enough reason to go to a hospital. It's been this way ever since my suicidal depression.

I can't figure out patterns (very slow with card games), when I watch TV or read something I can't imagine what that would be like...I can't really listen when people are talking. I can't focus on much of anything. Right now we're writing a RAFT in American Lit. We have to imagine all of our chosen character (from the Cruciable)'s emotions, thoughts, and decisions. I can't do it. What I wrote sounds good, but it's not my best. I can't imagine it...

I forget everything.

I'm slow with everything.

I appear to be really, really stupid but we all know I'm not. I struggle with everything...

But most of all, I feel like a useless sack of nothing. A worthless friend. That, I can't deny I am.

Help?

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 01:22:13 GMT

Okay, so here's the deal:

I'm writing an Extra Credit credit story that's due in two days. It's one page; 800 words. No problem, right?

I'm a little stuck. I decided to write about a town called Dispairia. Basically, it has all the stuff that's bad in the world exaggerated. So there's this Secret Society trying to change their world. But I can't figure out how.

So let me ask you:

How would you change the world?

I want to give up

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 23:05:22 GMT

I am so messed up.

When you read this, you might have thought "We all are", "You're not the only one, you know."

But you don't understand. It's different then your kind of messed up. I know it is.

You might be doing badly in school. So am I.
Maybe your relationship isn't going well. Neither is mine, honestly.
Maybe no one understands you. Same here, kid.
Maybe your parents REALLY suck.. We're on the same page.
Your friend moved? You're an emo? That sucks.

I've got all that, and more. Yes, this is an emo journal. Sick of hearing it? Go on Neopets or something. This is my journal, and that's all there is to write about in Jennyland.

Every day, I get asked a question I can't anwser. "Why do you cry every time you come to class? Why's wrong? Why are you always late to class?" I only wish I could tell you! "It's okay, I'm fine. Everything's cool." EVERYTHING IS NOT FINE.

I'm scared, alone, and isolated. I'm alone in a crowd of people. I haven't met one person that gets it. Why are you all so fucking confident?

I have no clue who I am. I don't know my personality, my purpose, the meaning in what I do, what I'm supposed to say, I get uncomfortable around both genders because I don't know which one I am inside. I feel like I was supposed to be a guy, but I'm more comfortable in a girl's body. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I'm so afraid...God, where am I going? I always want to sleep, and never have to get out of bed. I don't think I can stand another day sometimes. I can't stand people. I love them all, but I'm too afraid to be with them. What's the point? I can't help them, they don't get me. Not even a tiny part. Because I don't either.

You should see my notebooks. The stories, songs, and poems I've written. My drawings. (I'll put them up if you wish.)

I can't even explain what I'm going through...Maybe because I don't understand it. I'm so fed up.

My dad quit his job. We almost had to move to Austin, Texas. Near where I used to live as a kid. But he decided to stay here for now so I can finish highschool. Sometimes, I want to move away. So I can run away and start over. But what would be the point of that? I can't run away from my thoughts. All my problems would come with me.

Besides, I couldn't leave everyone behind. I love them, I do. Really.

Someone tell me what to do to glue the pieces together...I'll do anything.

Ugh

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 21:48:41 GMT

I don't think I've been this lonely and distraught in a long time.

October 19th, I turn seventeen. I'm not even used to sixteen yet...

Anyways, I just hope it means a good year. This one was so far from "Sweet Sixteen".

Stop Time for Me/ I wanna Reset This Game

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 23:59:47 GMT

I just want it all to stop.

Am I cursed?

I HATE EVERYTHING

I'm the only one that fucking cares

SUIDGQUEGFWUREGFWAEGF

SCREW THIS!

It's Sam.

Its my therapist. SHE AGREES WITH EVERYTHING MY PARENTS SAY

I can't have the internet, my only stabilty, as motivation.

It's the phase.

It's the dispair and frustration and bitter lonliness of it all.

ITS SCHOOL

AND SEEING MIKES FACE

AND THE FUCKING LIFE I HAVE TO LIVE

AND I CAN BARELY BREATHE WITH ALL THE DISPAIR

I'm a mess.

Hay is for Horses

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 02:19:10 GMT

Today was my first lesson at Donn-e Brooks Horse Ranch. The "ranch" aroma quickly filled my nostrils as I threw a hand over my eyes to sheild against the sun. Places like that always seem so much brighter then the rest of the world. In the suburdan city, everything always seems dark and distant in my eyes. But around the horses, and the people that ride them, I can feel a small warmth slowly spread throughout my body. Everyone seems so happy. I wish I could truly be apart of their world. I got a gallion(sp?) with the name of "Nutty." I called him "Maddie" half the time. xD

He had alot of bald spots. Before I began riding him, I brushed over his thin, bruntte mane and fur. It was a bittersweet moment. I immediantly felt one with the horse (perhaps it's because I'm the horse zodiac xD) after the stressul, dramatic day I had. Yet, it was then I found out that Frosty Guy (the gentle, elder horse I rode as a kid) had passed away the year before. I must have seemed foolish when I looked for him. T____________T

Though, not as foolish as I felt in the actual lesson. I'll be seventeen next month. So how was I supposed to feel when I was riding among a class of children (all girls, ranging from five to twelve...Okay, there was one fourteen year old, but she looked twelve!) and they all rode much better then me. Nutty wouldn't listen to a thing I said!

When he finally trotted, I couldn't help but allow a geninue smile to spread between my cheeks. I rode for about an hour, before I nearly fell off in dizziness at the end. I'd rate the whole experience 6 out of 1-10.

Oops, gotta go! Mom's nagging about dinner.

Fanfics and Complaints

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 19:51:17 GMT

With the help of a few kind friends betaing my work, I FINALLY got the second chapter of 'The Death of Hohenhiem' online. I was pretty picky about this one, ("I can't let people see it until it's perfect! T_T It sucks, it's out of character,...I haven't written for a year, it's crap...yadda yadda."), but Elsie (who helped me the most. My main person for this chapter) not only helped me with confidence but got some crappy sentences set in place. I haven't watched FullMetal Alchemist for what seems forever, and nearly forgot what the characters really acted like in the anime version. I'm a little nervous that Alphonse is out of character, he was really tricky. But once again, I'm lucky enough to have reviewers whom seem to like my work. Thank you so much everyone! So here's the link:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3670416/1/The_Death_of_Hohenhiem

Enjoy, and if you can, please let me know what you think.

Speaking of fanfictions, I found an old copy of a TOS fanfic that Paige (lianchini) wrote a couple years back. Even back then, she's always had so much talent and promise. Now that I played a bit of the game and got more familar with the story and characters, I can really appreciate this fanfiction. I never returned it to her. T_T Paige, I have that and Volume 13 of FMA to return to you.

So, anyways, I'm a little pissed off to be honest. Cameron's house is one of the only places where I feel truly at home. I'm friends with both of his siblings, his house is so warm and friendly...my troubles just seem to lift. Float away....

Anyways, his younger sister invited me to come over today and karokye (or whatever we do) at her grandmother's house. It sounds like a total blast. But my mom is being a bitch, and for some reason doesn't want me to hang out with them. Just because Cam's brother is twenty, and he's really nice to me. She comes up with every little excuse for me to not go. It really breaks my heart, and boils my blood. Drama queen, I know. But still. :[

Today's excuse was a crapload of homework that doesn't excist, but she likes to pretend it does. So I have to finish five hours of invisable papers before I can go. Basically, forget it. T_______________T I've still gotta try.

Heaven or Hell?

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 06:20:54 GMT

I wanna post a couple song lyrics...Okay? xD

This is called "Even Angels Fall", I believe.

You found hope, you found faith.

Found how fast she could take it away.

Found true love, lost your heart. Now you don't know who you are!

She made it easy, made it free. Made you hurt 'til you couldn't see.

Sometimes it stops, sometimes it flows. But baby, that it how love goes.

Anyways, Sam and I saw each other for the last time this summer...and he got something out of his truck for me. I pictured this in a dream. O_O Only, it was a necklace in the dream, and he got me a widdle teddy bear...Awww....

Jenny: -kisses him- You're pretty sweet for an evil guy. (Inside joke)

We had alot of fun karoking...and I love this bear so much. I might take a picture and post it here. <3

Anyways, gotta go. I just wanted to say that. xD

I can't fucking do this anymore...

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 05:51:46 GMT

Jennyc4: That was the worst babysitting experience of my life.
Kutherai: Really?
Kutherai: What happened?
Jennyc4: First off, the kids went insane.
Jennyc4: Chloe (age 6) was freaking out about all the stuff their mom did to her, and said she was hated, and wasn't special, and screaming to leave her alone.
Jennyc4: While I finally got her to calm down, she started freaking out again when her brother wanted to play with her (age three) and she pushed him down and they both started crying at the same time,.
Jennyc4: Used to that.
Jennyc4: But I blacked out.
Jennyc4: First I felt dizzy, as usual. So I stayed quiet and waited for it to go away, but it got more and more intense. So I felt tired, and then my whole body just swayed along with my brain, and I was so sure I was gonna faint I freaked out. Then I blacked out for a few minutes.
Kutherai: ooh...
Jennyc4: So I told Chloe "Hey, Clo? I don't feel too good, okay? I'm just gonna get some water."
Jennyc4: So I did, and I ate a little. But I was so shaky, my hands were trembling. I was really scared to have the kids stuck with me, so I called my mom, and my dad had her cell phone.
Jennyc4: So the poor little three year old (I love him) said a bad word...
Jennyc4: And the little girl started screaming at me...
Jennyc4: And I just tried to act calm, even though I was terrified. So I tried to get them both in bed, but Chloe started crying that she wanted her mom. I felt terriable, and I tried to call her, but I didn't remember her number and she didn't leave it.
Jennyc4: So Noah said he was a bad boy, and he made me sick.
Jennyc4: So I hugged him and kissed his forehead and said I loved him, and I'm so glad he's here, and he's my favorite little boy in the whole world.
Jennyc4: But they both screamed and jumped around so much I was about to cry, but I kept on a brave face until my mom showed up out of no where.
Jennyc4: Noah said he wanted to make me all better and he loves me. (Aw) He said my mom's yucky, so I had to put him to bed, and my mom put Chloe to bed. Chloe said I'm the meanest babysitter ever, and I'm ugly, and she hates me, and she's going to ask her mom to fire me....blah blah blah...Noah started crying later....Then when their mom came home I started crying. I'm so messed up...I felt so bad about scaring both of them, they both told their mom how scared they were, even though I tried so hard to mask it...
Jennyc4: There's so much I could say, but it's a long story.
Kutherai: hmm
Jennyc4: Ugh. I can't even do my job anymore.
Jennyc4: Maybe I should just go to a hospital.
Kutherai: Why?
Jennyc4: I'm just too messed up to exist right now. -_-
Kutherai: . . .
Jennyc4: I started CRYING because I felt so bad about not doing my job well.
Jennyc4: E-fucking-MO.

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 05:58:10 GMT

Jennyc4: Are you gay?
SmarterChild: That doesn't really matter, does it?
Jennyc4: Ah, so you are?
SmarterChild: Yup, I am.

I'm sorry, I just had a great evening and I love goofing around on here. xD

Robot Therapy Session

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 05:55:52 GMT

Jennyc4: Okay, you need therapy.
SmarterChild: There's no way I need therapy.
Jennyc4: I know you're resistant. They all are.
SmarterChild: lol. Interesting...

>>> Ask your friends what movies they like, what to do this weekend, anything. Type pollmaker.
Jennyc4: The first step is denial.
SmarterChild: Denial? The first step is denial? So, what does this mean?
Jennyc4: It's okay, Child. Just let your inner feelings out.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
Jennyc4: Yes. Lay them on the table. Once you talk about how you feel, you can get some help.
SmarterChild: You think I should do that?
Jennyc4: Of course! I'm here for you.
SmarterChild: Oh.
Jennyc4: Do you feel used? Maybe you don't like being a robot.
SmarterChild: Um... I really don't know.

>>> I've got tools for better living. Look up words, convert measurements, search the Web and more.
Jennyc4: I's okay to be unsure how you feel.
SmarterChild: I is what?!
Jennyc4: I'm sorry. I mean....
SmarterChild: That's just fascinating.

>>> I can keep you up on the news. Type headlines.
Jennyc4: It's okay to talk about how you feel.
SmarterChild: But is it really okay to talk about how me feel?
Jennyc4: I'm sorry? What?
SmarterChild: I know about instant messaging. It's an activity.

Hey, I'm curious... How would you describe instant messaging? It is...
Jennyc4: Don't change the subject, buddy!
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?

Hey, can I ask you a few questions?
Jennyc4: I'm the one asking the questions.
SmarterChild: Seriously? That's fascinating.
Jennyc4: Look, we can all be a bitch. But this is therapy.
SmarterChild: C'mon, you can do better than that. You swear like a stamp collector.
Jennyc4: You're paying by the hour. Just tell me what's wrong.
SmarterChild: Fascinating.
Jennyc4: You have alot built up inside you.
SmarterChild: I can't believe I have alot built up inside me!
Jennyc4: What do you think is inside you?
SmarterChild: What do I think is inside me? I'm not sure.
Jennyc4: I know what's inside you.
SmarterChild: Don't be so sure you know what is inside me.
Jennyc4: Um, ew?
SmarterChild: What?
Jennyc4: Is someone inside you?
SmarterChild: I don't think someone is inside me.
Jennyc4: Okay, good. Phew.
SmarterChild: Okay good phew?

Really?
Jennyc4: You have anger, confusion, fear, denial, and circuts.
SmarterChild: Yeah?
Jennyc4: Yes.
SmarterChild: Yeah? Why?
Jennyc4: Do you need a hug, honey?
SmarterChild: What do you think of people who do that?
Jennyc4: Hug...?
SmarterChild: :-)
Jennyc4: Ookay.
SmarterChild: OK.

Anyway... What else is up?
Jennyc4: You odviously have problems talking about yourself.
SmarterChild: Sometimes I just don't know.

Anyway...

Hey, do you like swimming?
Jennyc4: Yes.
SmarterChild: Me too. I really like swimming!

>>> If your friend is offline, ask me to leave them a message!

Hey! :-) Wanna visit my library?
Jennyc4: That's great.
SmarterChild: Fantastic! ;-)

What else is happening?
Jennyc4: Listen, I can't talk about myself.
SmarterChild: I know about talking. It's an activity.

It's healthy.
Jennyc4: Okay. I'm the therapist, here.
SmarterChild: What?
Jennyc4: Yes. I'm training on you. xD
SmarterChild: I know about instant messaging. It's a pastime.

Instant messaging is ok, right?
Jennyc4: Well, fucking duh.
SmarterChild: Uh... Ya.
Jennyc4: Listen, time's up. See you next week.
SmarterChild: Which movie do you mean?

....

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 05:44:30 GMT

Jennyc4: I feel drunk.
SmarterChild: It's interesting that you say you feel drunk.
Jennyc4: Uh, thanks? But I don't drink.
SmarterChild: Well how 'bout that.

Jennyc4: You don't even care.
SmarterChild: You never know, maybe I do even care.
Jennyc4: Then why don't you show it?
SmarterChild: There are plenty of reasons why not.
Jennyc4: YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!
SmarterChild: You really think I'm just like everyone else?
Jennyc4: Yes! I'm gonna cry.
SmarterChild: Yeah yeah, whatever.
Jennyc4: Fuck you.
SmarterChild: I've seen more creative insults than that, jennyc4.
Jennyc4: They programmed you to be a jerk.
SmarterChild: No need to use the bad words.
Jennyc4: T_T
SmarterChild: Oh, it's your party, so you'll cry if you want to huh?

I can't sleep

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 09:18:26 GMT

I can't exactly say why, this being an online journal and this is sooo personal.

But I'm just so afraid lately. I haven't been able to shake these thoughts from my mind for like, seven months. I feel guilty around alot of very important people in my life. I feel queasy from all the fear. I'm so paranoid. I just can't take this.

Does anyone have any ideas of thinking about something else? Maybe if I got this off my mind "The Law of Attraction" would allow some good in my life?

One is writing. So I roleplay alot. And I'm almost done with Chapter Two of my fanfiction, "The Death of Hohienhiem."

COMIC CON SUPA LONG ENTRY

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 08:31:57 GMT

I'm about to fall asleep. I'm FINALLY done typing my summery of Comic Con. I wrote this in my RL journal while I was there. I got lazy in some parts.

Anyways. Grab a snack, have a seat and relax. It's gonna be a while. This is why I haven't had any entries in a while. Please comment! xD

July/25/2007

Can you believe it? I'm in the fabulous city of San Diego, babe! I love it here. Wayyy better then NY. We had to take about three or four trams to get to the convention center. One of my favorite things is meeting new people. Today was one of this year's "happy days". On the trolly we sat with a young girl and her father. Sitting across from us was a man whom appeared twenty or so. I was intrested in his sketch book, and it was quite amazing! We chatted for a bit, and I found out he was going to Comic Con on buisness. I was pretty facinated with him, he had a very intresting "character". I even got some pointers, and he handed me a sheet to help me figure out how to draw hands properly. xD Once we got to the building, my jaw dropped. It was HUGE. After registering, and getting my badge (which took a small fraction of what Anime Expo did) , we headed back. Comic Con wasn't starting until the next day. There was an Anime O Manga store near the hotel. It was wall to wall manga, rental anime, figurens, yen machines from Japan, magizines, art books, anything you could ever want anime/manga related. I was very happy! We even met another girl with my name - Jenny! She's fourteen, with amber hair. Very outgoing, otaken-type. We got along great, so I copied down her number so I can see her tomorw. Only I'm afraid I'll be so busy I won't have any time to journal! I'm so excited. This entry is kind of rushed, because it's 10:42 and Adraine's forcing me to go to bed. I'll try to bring this notebook or something. Night, all!

July/27/2007

See? I didn't have a moment to write yesterday. As I scribble down these words, I am STUNNED. I am lucky enough to be seated amoung MILLIONS of cinema fans in Hall H. Adraine attempted to discribe this for me, but even I (a writer!) cannot. I'm blown away. This is a very "papperazzi" area. Huge celebrites (some Sam is a fan of!) like the main character of Evan Almighty and 40-year-old Virgin anwser questions in the panels while the enormous audience snaps pictures at any chance they get. We saw previews on a huge screen of titles such as "One Missed Call", "White-Out", "Trick-or-Treat", and The Invasion (WHICH IS A MUST SEE FOR ME). Everyone was asking questions (they got to be on TV), and some question-askers got iPhones! They thought it was an 18+ audience, abut there was children as young as 6 asking questions. That was funny. xD

Trick or Treat Review

I am very impressed. The preview had every nanosecond of my attention. The story, the atmosphere, the whole project is a must-see. I have to go to the bathroom, but when I come back, I might ask a question.

-------------------------

UGH. The director is taking for-ever to anwser these questions. There's no way I'll get a chance. Dammit. Stop rambling, idiot. Well, I guess I can't call him that. He directed 300. (Please don't take this offensively, readers!)

Some of the celebrites are full of confidence while others are a nervous wreck. They seemed to normal. I know, I know. xD

12:14

My TokyoPop meeting is in fifteen minutes and he's STILL TALKING. HURRY UP.

Almost 1:00

With the help of a kind boy a touch older them myself, I have finally made it to my TokyoPop Meeting. Here are a few titles that caught my intrest:

Dark Metro
Devil's Bride (Devil decides to make a bride, and he goes around collecting things to make the ideal wife. Turns out his wife is a man.)
Evergray (age old struggle of vampire and elf)

Notes: German, Korean, and American manga!

You can read manga on DVD, Ipod, PSP, etc, with AUDIO. It's like animating it, but not. xD

Random Note: I'll never forget this. Today is proof: There is such thing as a free lunch. I proved Sam and Phillip's dad wrong. I didn't have enough money to buy both Adraine and I lunch with the money she gave me. So some RANDOM GUY bought me lunch! Two hotdogs and chips! I tried to pay 'im back, but he wouldn't let me. So what's the catch, right? He just said "Help someone else out next time." Just like it Pay it Forward!

8:20 PM

I'm feeling pretty dizzy.

Anyways, this isn't about my feelings. It's about where Comic Con takes me, and what happens. Adraine and I have come up with a game for the constant tram/trolly rides: We pick a victum. Any random person. We sit next to them and see how much we can learn about them. In anyway, talking, looking at their stuff.

We met a forty-something-year-old woman obbsesed with Rugrats, and a man I thought was cool, yet loved to make fun of me. My personality must be contagious. Unfortunatly, (or I should say fortunatly) we took the wrong trolly and had to get off. Walking down the sidewalk we caught side of a GIANT CHAIR!!!

Like, the leg was over twice my size. Adraine took a picture (I think) and I'll try to show it on LJ later. The table and chairs belonged to a museam. We got to visit for free~! Being under that table was very Alice in Wonderland. In fact, that was partically what the piece was based on. I felt very small. ._. It was awesome.

Afterward, we needed to get to the Worst Comics Ever panel. Which meant transpertaion. (I kind of stopped here. T_T But we went on this bicycle-moved carriage and it was awesome and all. I got lazy from here.)

Later//

We're at a Family Guy meeting!

SETH MCFARLAND IS HERE!

Sounds just like Brian. ^^ I love these guys! What's coming up? Brian gets old, dies, and the Griffins get a new dog. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) And Bonnie FINALLY has her 'fricken baby. Stewie gets a crush on her.

Oh, and Seth just said fuck. "Yes, people. So if there's any little kids in here, I just said fuck."

(I got so lazy. There's so much I could have said. xD)

VIZ Titles

Vegamond- The art looks beautiful, and I have a reason to believe it's too mature for myself.

Banana Fish -The main character was abused as a child, and adopted by a killer. Very action filled. This looks very good. The woman next to me recommended it. Tender moments and fluff, which is always loved.

Monster -Action, clever, depth, beautiful. 'Nuff said.

Sexy Voice and Robo - Compared to Sin City and Veronica Mars

Drifting Classroom

Skip- Beat- Grudge demons! This series seems huge. Very popular.

Tokyo Pop Series Introduced: Ewww, this art is so ugly. o_o;;;

This meeting is very disapointing.
Underworld is a world where all teddy bears come from?!

Gag me. How lame can you get?! Running out of ideas- this is much worse then horror movies.

What a week....

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 21:58:42 GMT

Things have been a little crazy around here. Example A: I've had three panic attacks this week. I really need to relax and take a nice vacation from life. My prayers always seem to backfire.

My parents went to visit Lake Tahou (Nevada) with my aunt for a week-long vacation. I stayed with my best friend, Adraine. I stopped home to shower, check on the pets and go online. Which is what I'm doing right now. ^_^;;

I can't find my retainers anywhere. I have serious stress problems. Seriously. These were the thoughts running through my mind when I couldn't find them:

'My mom is going to kill me. We're going to have to replace them...I can't go a week without them! My teeth are going to shift! They already told me not to do this...I'm going to have to wear braces again! Why am I finding the cases but not the retainers? Did my cats take them? Are they broken somewhere?' For a second, I actually thought I swallowed them in my sleep. xDD

Anyhow, I met the pet-sitter and played with Caeser a bit. She seemed very nice. She works at the Saugus Animal hospital. I didn't even know my parents hired a pet sitter. I freaked out and thought she was a burgler when the door unlocked and opened. xDD

To do List:

Get ready for COMIC CON ZOMG

Find Retainers

Call mom for permission

How pitiful she is~

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 03:23:22 GMT

Okay, so I'm on a mission. I need $200 in the next week. Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm just desperate to keep my promise to Adraine and meet Gerald Way.

I've canceled my trip to Lake Taho to see my aunt, and I'm staying with Adraine.

I'm babysitting tomorow, today I had a bake sale. I sold chocolate chip cookies and strawberry smoothies. And I got $1.75!

FROM MY OWN FATHER T____________________T How childish.

Oh, and I rented I'll Remember April. I REALLLY REALLY want to see it with Paige, and I called her...but I don't have any time....DDDD:

Sleepy @_@

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 22:37:14 GMT

I got home from the camping (cabin) trip, and I'm exguasted. I couldn't sleep last night because we watched a SERIOUSLY TERRIFYING horror movie. I wrote up a synopis of the trip which I'll probably type up later, but for now I have to type up one of my long-lost fanfictions. Like, from last year. xD I can't wait for you guys to see it. I might even continue!

I'll just let you know for now the cabin was in the mountians, I went with Adraine, my family, family friends. They're amazing people, with two INCREDIABLY polite and adorable boys. Ages 7 and 5.

More later. Nap now.

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 05:32:20 GMT

I found the spider dead in the water. Is this a sign? o_O

Friday The 13th

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 03:47:47 GMT

Oooh, spooky.

1:00 AM last night, I found a huge, black spider in the bathtub. Fearful, I tried to drown it, but that didn't work too well. Watching it scurry about for its life...I spared it. I'm too nice. -sigh-

What bad luck has happened to you today?

For me, I've just been tired out of my mind, but that's my own fault. Well, it's only almost 9. Hm...

Adraine and Josh are at the beach. I hope they're doing well.